I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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