Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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