my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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