well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
