She said her name was "party"
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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