Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
