My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have post one night stand depression
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