my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
