mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
