soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
