It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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