Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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