i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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