clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
