I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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