we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
