i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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