Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
