I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
