We named our party play list daddy issues
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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