I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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