Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
