Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
