Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
