apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
