Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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