i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
