Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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