my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
