I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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