he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
