East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
