i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
