My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
