he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
