jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
