i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
