I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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