He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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