1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
