Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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