someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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