Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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