tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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