My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
