mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
