Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
