so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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