Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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