Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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