Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
