hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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