I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
