i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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