I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
