And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
