let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
