yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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