We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
