and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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