Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
