i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
