Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
