They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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