i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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