wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
