We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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