I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
