I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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