Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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