the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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