No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
