I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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