Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
