hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
