Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
