I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
